Could it be magic??

I've been a complete mess today.  I'm total bag of nerves and an emotional wreck.  All the news from Roland Garros is all but preparing us for rain delays tomorrow, for a possible Monday final, and that there are even plans should it go on until Tuesday.

I don't think my stomach can take it ...

And because I'm in a high state of tension, the slightest thing is setting me off. Remember I told you last week that I got myself an i-Phone and it nearly ended up being thrown out the window?  Well, of course I'm learning to love it, and today I did my first bit of down-loading.  An ultimate collection ... from Barry Manilow.  I can hear the scoffing in the cheap seats, so we'll have less of that, thank you!  Cos three weeks ago, after being a fan of Bazza's since my teenage years .. nay a SuperFan! ... I saw the man himself for the first time in concert.  And who did I see him with ...

My Rafa friends.

So as the strains of "Mandy" and "Could It be Magic" were playing away as I was driving my car, and me in my highly emotive state ... well, I just ended up crying my head off, didn't I?  And its all down to Rafa.  How, you ask?  Well you see, I started this journey all on my own - supporting Rafa that is - but it lead me to an internet tennis forum, which lead me to other Rafa fans, and gradually, our mutual appreciation lead us to meet each other in the real world, not the cyber one ... and all the tremendous fun we've had in doing it.  Watching Rafa play live, hearing his voice for the very first time, listening to the sound of his footwork as he moved across the grass.  Awesome, and I wouldn't have missed a moment of it.  I've met some great people at the side of the practice courts, sitting in the stands, and even in our own little Twitter-world, I speak to people in the States, in Europe, from French journalists to even the GOAT himself, PseudoFed.  *bows*

And this is what those who mock us as Rafa fans will never know and never understand.  That supporting this wonderful tennis player has brought together so many people, from all different walks of life.  And we have the best of fun and the greatest of times, and its all down to him.  To Rafa.  And one September afternoon, I and my Rafateer friends - Rafan and Denzy - sat down in our own lounges, in our little corners of the UK, to watch Rafa play in the US Open semi-final, where we hoped and dared to drim that he'd make the final for the very first time.  But he didn't ... soundly hit off the court by Del Potro.  And in order to commiserate with each other, we got together again later that evening and watched "Proms in the Park", starring our very own Barry Manilow, and as we chatted over the internet, and sang along, and shook our maracas, and kicked our legs and held our cigarette lighters on high ... we had an absolutely brilliant time.

We've been meaning to see Bazza for real ever since that night, but finally last year, Rafan rounded us up and tickets were bought and we had the time of our lives in the dizzy heights of the Manchester Arena where I sang, and swayed and couldn't hold back the tears as we sang along with Barry to "One Voice".

So listening to him again today, playing on my i-Phone, reminded me of Rafa, friends, and good times ... great times.  Its all about the sport for him, the joy of suffering, the ecstasy of winning.  But for all of us, because of him its not just about the tennis, its about friendships, fun, and laughter.  And I'm absolutely sure that all that will continue long after his ... shhh ... that "thing" that we don't mention.  ;)

There's an old saying that "God loves a trier" ... and boy ... whatever your faith or otherwise, Rafa is certainly that.  I've been thinking today that never have I ever wanted him to win a match so much.  Well I have actually, it was the French Open 2010, and I can't help but think about the similarity of feeling.  Rafa had lost so much in 2009 of what he had gained in 2008 ... injury being his foe mainly on that occasion.  And the same can be said of 2011, where one player being better on the day took it all away from Rafa ... bar one thing, this final thing ... the French Open crown.

So I don't want to think about history ... like Rafa, I just want him to win Roland Garros.  I want him to hang onto that one, last prize.  I want him to win ...

I went back to re-read my pre-French Open final post of 2010 tonight because I recognise just how much the feelings and state I've been in today is so similar to how I was back then.  And I now realise that the "post" I wrote was actually a "cut and paste" of a comment that I had posted in The Times when Rafa used to do his blog and we could leave our messages to him on the Comments board.  And the words I used two years ago are exactly as what I would write today.  No change.  So I thought I'd end this post with the comment that I made back then, but it means just as much to me right here, and right now.  Thank you for sitting comfortably and listening.  And Vamos Rafa!!  

"Firstly, I want to say how very, very proud of you we are that you have fought your way through the battles that life presented to you in the past 12 months with regard to your personal life and your professional career.  And here you are again, Rafa ... back where you belong in the final of a Grand Slam. 

This is the place where you made your name, where you came of notice to us and it proved the launch pad for all the great things that were to come for you.  And then strangely again ... it also became the place where you started to lose all that you had gained. 

If this term "destiny" is to be believed, and if you also believe that what goes around comes around ... then this is the place for you.  However, you're not into that stuff, are you Rafa?  You are just gracious and wise, and apply yourself to each match at a time.  And it doesn't become about "revenge" or "destiny" or any of that nonsense.  Its about you, being in the final at Roland Garros, and having your shot at becoming the French Open Champion again ... totally regardless of who you face on the other side of the net. You have graciously said that whether you win or you lose, it is not going to make a big impact on your life.  and in the humble way you live it ... I believe you. 

However Rafa, just be safe in the knowledge that we, your fans, wish you the very best of luck tomorrow.  We shall be cheering your every great shot, and wincing at your every error.  We will be hiding behind the couch and watching between our fingers.  And regardless of the result, we will forever support you. 

You have been wonderful to us in the spirit you treat your fans, giving something of yourself back to us as we go on this small journey with you. 

With my whole heart, I want you to be the French Open Champion tomorrow.  Try your best, and good luck!!"

Photograph by Rafandready